You Broke Me
by keetkat.popcorn
Summary: Mer/Der... When Addison shows up, Meredith can't bare to look at Derek anymore, let alone work with him. She decides to head out to New York and start her life over. Little does she know...she's taking something that's partly his with her. Please R
1. Please Please Wont YouTake The Pain Away

**A/N: So, Vivi and I (Keet) have started to write this Fanfic together. We havent got very far yet, but we decided to post what we had so far. We have worked on it very hard, actually. It is a different take on what could have happened after Addison showed up...so...like...Who's Zoomin Who/Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head...whatever!! lol...whatever you think of it please let us know...because we want to know if we should write more on it or whether we should just give up now. If you want more...let us know...If you think this story is a disgrace to every living thing...then also let us know. We hope you like it...but you make up your own mind. Okay...so enough of my rambling...here is the first chapter...enjoy xxxxxxxxx**

**Disclaimer: We do not own Grey's Anatomy. If we did...well...we'd know what Meredith's awful dream (well i suppose you could call it an awful nightmare) would consist of...but since we don't...I guess we sadly don't own it...All rights belong to that evil, yet wonderful woman who appears to be called Shonda Rimes. **

.

Meredith stirred awake to an empty bed, along with a huge hangover. Emptiness, that's all she felt since yesterday, the day that changed everything in her life. One moment she had everything, and the next, she lost it all. It all fell apart, the last three months felt like a lie. A never ending nightmare that she woke to. Sure, there were some beautiful moments, like the one she met him, or when he chased after her. Those were all memories she would usually like to hold on to... but now, everything had changed. He had lied to her, and she could never forgive him. It wasn't like lying about your favorite movie or your favorite cake. This lie was a lot worse.

"_Hi, I'm Addison Shepherd." _

"_Shepherd?!"_

"_And you must be the woman who's been screwing my husband."_

The pictures came back to her, rushing through her mind, tears rolling down her cheeks. She thought that she'd spend the rest of her life with him, and all he did was turn her into a dirty mistress. His dirty mistress. And she didn't even know about it. Not until last night. She was no more than an affair to him. She meant nothing more. But she supposed that was to be expected from a one night stand with a guy in a bar.

"Meredith, are you coming to work or staying in bed?" she heard Izzie's voice from outside her room.

"Staying in bed!!" she frowned. She heard Izzie walking away and thought she'd be alone for the rest of the day. But then, interrupting her thought, Christina barged into her room, and jumped on her bed to get her up.

"Get your skinny ass out of this bed and to the hospital." she said in her bossy way "And hurry up, we don't have all day!" she added. Meredith groaned loudly. She really did not want to or need to go to work today. She couldn't deal with herself right now, let alone other people and their messed up lives. "Up! Now!" Christina ordered again, this time using her finger for emphasis.

"Okay, okay." Meredith rolled over and fell to the floor before getting up and sprinting towards the bathroom, one hand over her mouth.

"Too much tequila?" Christina raised her eyebrows as she watched Meredith spit up the contents of last night into the bowl. Meredith just groaned as she felt more rising in her chest.

"Ow!" She groaned as she held her head in her free hand.

"Okay. Finished? I better not miss out on any hardcore cardio because of you and your stupid drunkenness."

"Firstly, I didn't tell you, or ask you for that matter, to come here. And secondly, it's a _stupid_ _hangover._" Meredith said as she leaned into the bowl again.

"Whatever. Just hurry your ass up. I don't wanna be late. Bailey's been on a warpath lately."

"Bailey's _always_ on a warpath." Meredith corrected her.

Twenty minutes later they arrived at the hospital, in the middle of a scene. Derek and a red head were arguing over something.

"Addison, what are you doing here?" Derek snapped.

"I heard that my husband has an affair with an intern. I wanted to meet her, she seems nice." Addison smiled sarcastically.

"Yeah, I forgot I was lucky enough to know the guy you slept with. Made it so much easier to move on." he retorted.

"Relax Derek, I'm here for work. Richard asked me to come." she rolled her eyes. "By the way, you're looking hot as ever. Your hair. It's very Russell Crowe. You know I've always had a thing for Russell Crowe." She said as she moved her fingers to try and run them through his disheveled hair, but he pulled away.

"Ooo, McDreamy is having an argument…with a woman that looks like a supermodel." Christina said, clearly enjoying the show.

"Who's the supermodel chick?" Alex asked.

"That's his McWife." Meredith frowned. "McDreamy is McMarried." They all looked at her in utter shock.

Meredith was still feeling the tequila spin in her head. She really wasn't feeling well. She took a long drink before going to find Bailey.

"Grey, you're with Montgomery-Shepherd. Yang, Shepherd. Stevens, Burke. Karev and O'Malley, you're in the pit." The interns went off with their assignments for the day, but Meredith stayed behind.

"Uh, Dr. Bailey." Meredith started, awkwardly.

"Yes?" Bailey looked at her skeptically. She was very frightening when she wanted to be.

"Uh, Are you sure me working with Dr. Shepherd is a good idea?" Meredith said timidly, twisting her hands and biting her lower lip, like she did when she was nervous.

"Firstly, It's Montgomery-Shepherd. And yes. She requested you." Addison said as she came up behind Meredith with a patient chart. Meredith gulped. The sickness that she had been feeling all morning had returned again at the sound and sight of Derek's wife. She looked like Isabella freaking Rossellini. Meredith looked like Meredith and Derek's supermodel looking wife looked like Isabella Rossellini. Great. "You coming, Dr. Grey?" Addison asked with a slight smile.

"Uh, yeah. Sorry." Meredith said, quickly snapping out of her thoughts and following Addison down the hall.

"Good morning Dr. Yang." Derek smiled in his McDreamy way.

"_Good _morning?" Christina frowned.

"Okay, what did I do now?" he asked totally oblivious to the reason why she was being so mean, except the fact that she's Christina.

"Maybe your wife can help you on that one!" she snapped and headed to the patient's room.

"How is she?" he sighed following her.

"I don't know. I haven't had the chance to meet her yet." she replied sarcastically.

"I'm talking about Meredith." he rolled his eyes.

"Maybe the tequila bottle she emptied yesterday would give you an answer." she frowned and entered the room to end the conversation.

"Dr. Grey, I'm operating this afternoon. If you want to, you can scrub in. But since you hate me and all, I'd understand if you didn't want to." Addison smiled.

"No, of course I'm gonna scrub in. Thank y-" she stopped in the middle of her sentence and disappeared in an on-call room. Addison stood outside for a while before realizing why her intern took off. Derek was walking towards them, an annoyed frown on his features.

"So, how about lunch today?" she asked him like nothing had changed between them.

"NO!! And stop acting like everything's alright between us!!" he snapped at her and disappeared in the same on-call room Meredith did and left a dumbfounded Addison behind.

"Meredith." he said slowly as he found her close to tears.

"Don't! Just don't!" she choked. "You have a wife, who's actually not that easy to hate. And she's stunning. Perfect. And she just allowed me to scrub in on a really great, amazing surgery. And most of all, you forgot to tell me that she even existed. So just stop. Stop it. Stop pretending everything is alright, because news flash, Derek. It's not alright. It's far from alright." she rambled holding her tears back.

"Meredith, please. Listen to me." he begged. "You don't know everythi- -"

"No, I... I can't do it. I don't want to be the one who ruins a marriage. I don't. I can't be the home-wrecker. This. All of this. It was a big mistake. I mean, first, you're just a guy in a bar. And then you're my boss, and then you're asking me out. And then you practically move in with me. And now. Now you're married!?" she shouted before leaving him to his painful thoughts.

"Great! Are you happy now?! You ruined my relationship with Meredith!" Derek snapped at Addison as he ran his hand through his disheveled hair. "She won't even listen to me!"

"Are you ever going to forgive me?" Addison asked calmly.

"She won't look at me!" he said sadly.

"You know, there was a time when we were happy."

"Yeah, there was the time I thought that you were the love of my life. There was a time you weren't an adulterous whore who screwed my _best _friend. Things change." he retorted angrily.

"Look Derek, I don't want you if you don't want me. But have you thought that even if I'm an adulterous whore that slept with your best friend, I still might be the love of your life?" she said leaving him to his thoughts.

"No." he muttered to himself as he turned and headed toward the nurses station.

After the surgery, Meredith and Addison were washing up in the scrub room. As she washed her hands, Meredith watched her put her wedding and engagement rings back on.

"Look Meredith. I'll be on the next plane out of here if he doesn't want me. But if there's the slightest chance he does, I'm not leaving Seattle." she sighed sadly.

Derek stepped out of the elevator, still taken by his thoughts. How could he get Meredith to listen to him? Why did Addison come back? What was he supposed to do now?

"Derek?" he heard a familiar voice bringing I'm back to the surrounding reality that was his life. Or, at least a sad excuse for one. He turned around and spotted Addison. Her eyes filled with hope, hope that she'll get him back.

"_I still might be the love of your life."_

Was she really the love of his life? Did he still love her? Maybe he should go try to fix things with her. Find out if she was still the love of his life. Maybe there was something worth saving, something worth the effort.

"Derek?" he heard another familiar voice he loved hearing. He turned around once again andsaw her, the one he knew he loved. Meredith.

"_This. All of this. It was a big mistake."_

But she had given up on their relationship. She had lost faith and hope. He broke her, in the worst way. He wanted to hold her in his arms and kiss her so badly, but then, there was Addison. Was there something to save?

"Derek?" both of them called him once again.

.

**A/N: okay, so that was the first chapter. And I (Vivi) must honestly say, that I like the way we're going, and also the way we're cooperating xD But even if we both know what we want to write next, it's not always that easy... because we need inpiration. And to both of us, reviews are inspirations. So if you liked this story, or at least the first chapter xD Review, review, review... and we BOTH promise to do our best to update as fast as possible.**

**And just so you know, we have the whole storyline figured out, and honestly... it's a rather good one. So I really hope you liked this chapter and want to read the rest. Because you're all welcome to read it ;)**

**Okay, now there's just one thing left to say: only 10 days left till the new GA episode, the new season. Which means, a lot of new MD scenes!! yayness!! **

**xoxoVivi**


	2. Don't Gimmie That

**A/N: Okay. So Firstly, We would like to thank all those who reviewed...it means a lot. :-) We are going to try and update this story at least once a week. But that isn't a promise, because sometimes life gets in the way...you all know how it is. Also, writers block seems to be a very contagious disease. If you have this, then we hope you get better soon. Well...this chapter is rather...dramatic in the MerDer compartment. We hope that you enjoy it as much as we enjoy writing it (most of the time...xD) Please R&R...It gives us the inspiration to go on in these long, life-filled days. So...more reviews (equals) more story...now wouldnt you all love that?! lol... Okay...enough rambling...**

**Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's Anatomy, We would have more regular updates coz we'd have 20 writers at our fingertips, giving us their ideas. Sadly this is Shonda's world and we don't live in it.**

Chapter 2: Don't Gimme That

_He looked at Addison, a little smile playing on his lips. He then turned around to face Meredith, his eyes filled with tears._

That's what you could call his _first_ mistake. Of course it wasn't his first, he knew that. He had done so much more to her than... this. But it was the first mistake he made this evening. He chose to stay with Addison, to leave the one he loved behind... heartbroken.

"_Meredith I'm so sorry. I just... I need to know if there's something left to save. She's my wife."_

_Tears were forming in the corners of her eyes, but she was strong enough to hold them back. He always love this about her, she was such a small person yet so strong. _

"_I'll always love you Meredith."_

_At those words her sorrow turned into anger. He was dumping her, and at the same time telling her how much he loved her! He wasn't making this any easier..._

"Thanks for giving us another chance." Addison smiled as they walked over to Derek's car.

"Yeah. Whatever." he shrugged completely ignoring her; staring after Meredith, or rather... her retreating car.

"I know this won't be easy, but Derek, we have to try. Remember our vows? We promised it, we'd always be there for each other." she sighed getting into the passenger's seat. Derek silently got into the driver's seat; the rest of the ride wasn't any more pleasant. He kept thinking about her, and though he knew he did the right thing, it still didn't feel right. Addison kept stealing long glances at him, making him feel even more awkward. Here he was in the same car as the woman he had once thought of as the love of his life, and yet now, his heart belonged to someone else. No. he couldn't think of that. Of her. He had to try and save whatever small amount of his marriage he had left. He couldn't just let it go. He had to try it out. Test drive it. If he didn't test drive it, how would he know whether it was good or bad. He had spent 11 Christmases, 11 birthdays and 11 thanksgivings with the red-headed woman to his right. And yet, this was the most time he had spent with her in months. It was bound to be awkward, he decided. Anyone in the situation would feel as awkward as he did now, stuck in this situation with not much to say. What could you say to your wife of 11 years that you caught in the actual throes of _your_ bed with _your_ best friend? He didn't know. He didn't have the slightest clue. As he drove toward his almost vacant land, his thoughts got taken away by the woman who seemed to occupy the center of everything he did lately. Meredith Grey. An amazingly strong, yet tiny, petite woman. She was already broken when he found her, and now he had shattered her. Crunched her with his big secret marriage. Ugh. Marriage. Secrets. Addison…

"…Derek?!" Addison said _again_, sounding slightly annoyed at her husband.

"Hmm? Yeah?" he said, still distant.

"Are you okay? I've been trying to get your attention for the last 5 minutes."

"Yeah…Fine." He said, still reeling in all his escaped thoughts. "What's up?"

"I asked you how far away you live from the city…we've been driving for 15 minutes."

"Oh. Right…umm….about another 5 minutes or so." Derek said, not moving his glance from the long straight road in front of him.

"Okay." She said sadly.

/

They arrived at his land and he pulled up just outside his trailer. Addison looked at him in disbelief, disgust and confusion.

"This is it? This is where you have been living for the last 11 months?" she asked.

"Yeah. Is it okay?" he asked, mostly as a joke, but he wasn't expecting the answer he received.

"Umm…_No!_" she whined seriously. "It's a _trailer._ In the middle of…well…_no where._" She complained, still gathering her bag and climbing out of the car. She grumbled when her new Jimmy Choo heels got stuck in the soft, moist dirt ground. "Derek. I don't like it." she complained again as she ran for the shelter of his tiny home, trying to avoid the drizzle that had started a few moments earlier. As she entered the house and placed her bag down on the kitchen table, she looked around. "I think that we should maybe get a place in the city." She said as she glanced once more at the interior of Derek's home. The home that he shared with Meredith just nights before.

"You haven't even seen it yet."

"I've seen enough to know that I don't like it. at all." She said, frustrated. "You never used to like this stuff." She added as a statement.

"what?" he said in disbelief.  
"You were never like this. You were into Versace suits and 300 dinners."

"If that's what you really think, then I think I made a huge mistake in taking you back." Derek said flatly.

"You have never spent a day outdoors in your life."

"I love fishing. Do you remember? Or were you to ignorant? This is where I live. You wanted me back. I chose you. Deal with my life style." He said as he stormed out of his trailer to get some fresh air. Had he made the right decision? Addison was playing dumb, he was sure of it. She never used to though. She always liked to pretend she _knew _everything, not the other way around. Maybe she didn't know as much about him as he thought. When he thought about it though, he realized that in the eleven years they had been married, he had been on one fishing trip…with Mark. And they came home only hours later because Mark decided that he was going to eat some wild berries. _Idiot_. Derek smiled, before it disappeared as the image of him naked with his wife entered his mind. He walked back inside the trailer to find Addison staring at the floor on one side of his bed. Shit! He thought as she stood looking at them, a pained expression overtaking her fine features.

"Arr…" Derek said, startling her.

"Oh. I didn't hear you come back in." she said, tearing her eyes away from the stash of women's clothing.

"Umm…I should probably return those." He said as he walked over to the side of the bed and began to pick up the clothes that were strewn all over his trailer, though mostly in his bedroom. He breathed in deeply as he put them into a bag. Big mistake! His thoughts were immediately flooded with Meredith. Her laugh, her hair, her body, her skin, the way she said his name. He shook his head in an attempt to get her out of his mind, but she seemed to like haunting him. "I think I might take them to her now. I know she doesn't have a lot of clothes…so she will probably need to wear one of these tomorrow." He said quickly as he headed straight for the door.

"Derek." Addison said suddenly, just before he reached for the door.

"Mmm." He replied as he turned around to face his wife, her eyes dark.

"I really don't think she wants to see you right now. You just broke her." She said, realizing immediately that she had said too much.

"You don't know her." he snapped at her, though deep inside he knew she was right. "You don't know anything about her." he repeated more to himself.

/

He had been standing outside, on her front porch for what felt like forever. Should he really go in and give her clothes back? He could just ring and leave them there, on the front porch. He knew that Meredith didn't want to see him right now; maybe she didn't even want to see him ever again. But he _had _to see her again; he had to talk to her. Even though he knew there was nothing to talk about, he had to hear her beautiful voice again.

He took the two steps off her front porch down and headed to his car, but then he found enough strength to go back. He walked straight up to the door that he used to enter uninvited, and knocked quickly; before he had second thoughts; before he could turn and run again. A few moments later the door swung open to reveal a disheveled Meredith.

"H…hi?" Derek said quietly. She looked up at him, not saying anything, but just acknowledging his existence, though barely. "Umm…your clothes…that you left umm…at my trailer." He said uneasily, her gaze still cold, and fixed on his hands.

"Thanks." She said coldly; flatly, as she walked and took the bag from Derek.

"I guess I better get going now." He said sadly. He had really hoped that they'd get the chance to talk; for him to explain. As he turned to leave he thought he saw her mouth move; possibly at an attempt to say something. He stopped, frozen, watching her lips. Big mistake…again. She looked at him, an offended look passing over her lips.

"Seriously?! You come here to give me back my clothes and then you stand in the door way and stare at my lips? You're married. You have responsibilities." She said, anger boiling through her blood.

"Meredith." He said, sadness still apparent in his voice.

"Seriously? Seriously! You do not get to 'Meredith' me." She yelled, turning slightly away from him.

"Meredith." he tried once more.

"Don't gimme that! You don't get to come here and try to apologize. To try and ease _your_ guilt. You made your choices. They're done. Deal with it." she mear screamed at him "Just go! Get out!" She pointed to the door fiercely, tears falling endlessly from her eyes.

"I'm sorry..." Derek sighed, sad and hurt. He turned away and returned, defeated towards his car. He took one last look at her as she closed the front door slowly. It was probably the last time he would ever see her outside the hospital. As tears formed in his eyes, he got into his car and angrily swiped his hand to his face. As he began to drive, he realized he was already taking the route not to his trailer, but to Joe's.

"You don't look so good." Joe stated as he sat down at the counter.

"Scotch, Joe. Leave the bottle."

/

After Meredith closed the door, she sat down on the floor, taking some of the clothes that still smelled slightly like him.

"You're okay?" Izzie asked, concern laced her voice as she walked out of the kitchen, sitting down next to her.

"He... they. They smell like him." she cried onto her shoulder. "He's married... he chose her." she sobbed like she only realized what happened. "Stupid brain man."

/

"Y'know... I'm married. Hmm... that's funny, I'm married. To the wrong woman. Funny." Derek laughed completely drunk now. "I'm married." he kept repeating to himself, trying to make it sound less... wrong. "Do you have more of this?" he asked pointing to the empty Scotch bottle. The same bottle that was cracked open just 40 short minutes before.

"Shep. I don't like saying this, but I think you've had enough." he said truthfully.

"I'm married..." Derek began to repeat again.

"Yeah. I think we all got that by now." Joe cut him off.

"I need to go... I need to talk to her. I need to tell her I changed my mind!" he suddenly said, getting up in a rush. "She needs to know that I love Meredith Grey. Because I do. I LOVE MEREDITH GREY!" Derek bellowed, disrupting the groups that had formed in the popular bar.

"No! You're not going anywhere!" Joe said in bossy tone. "You're far too drunk to go now. You can tell _her_ tomorrow."


	3. Bottom Of The Ocean Lips Of An Angel

**A/N: Okay, so here it is, the new chapter. And I really, really, have to apologize that it's up soooo late!! But unfortunately it's not always that easy to co-write a story, especially since we're living extremely (!) far away from each other... I (Vivi) live in France and Keet lives in Australia... kinda getting a picture of it xD**

**So yeah, back to the chapter. I really hope you guys like it!! We worked quite hard on it, and... we added one of our fave characters!! I hope you all like the way we're going, though I won't tell you too much 'bout it ;).. C'mon, there has to be some mystery 'round it... okay, it's not that much mystery... but yeah.**

**Okay, I'm gonna stop rambling and let you read the chapter in peace. Just one thing I have to say: WHERE THE HELL WERE THE MD MOMENTS IN THE LAST EPISODE!! C'MON, ONE KISS, THAT'S NOT TOO MUCH TO ASK, IS IT??**

**Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's Anatomy, because if we did...then Meredith and Derek would have gotten more screen time in the 2 hour season premiere...and that would have made lots of people happy...but sadly...Shonda is a wonderful ruiner...and for that...we all love her...somehow**

.

Derek let out a sigh of relief when he saw Meredith standing at the nurse's station, alone. He made a step towards her, but Bailey stood in his way.

"Uh uh. I think you've done enough already... Just leave her in peace." she sighed looking over to her. "She's doing the best she can. She's trying to repair the damage you did. Don't break her again." At those words she left him to his thoughts.

He looked over to her, she seemed peaceful, yet broken... shattered even. He was about to make his way over to her but as Bailey's words echoed through his mind.

_Just leave her in peace... don't break her again. _

He had to talk to her, tell her that staying with Addison was no more than a big mistake. He had to tell her so many things... mostly that he was in love with _her_, that he wanted to stay with _her. _But he already broke her. Maybe it was just too late to pick all the pieces up... maybe he should 'just leave her in peace', give her time and space to get back to the... not so shattered Meredith.

He thought it over once again and then decided it was best for her to go. So he turned away and left her to it.

Right then Meredith turned her head over to where he stood, she had seen the whole scene but didn't want him to know. She found herself with little tears rolling down her cheeks as she watched him walk away. As much as it hurt not talking to him, _actually_ talking to him was a lot worse. She was really glad that Bailey sent him away; she wouldn't have known how to deal with him. Should she ignore him? Listen to him? Maybe even forgive him? She had no idea. But the only thing she actually felt like doing was to run away. Run away from him, Addison and this... messed up situation... Run away.

/

"Hey Derek. How are you going?" Addison asked in her usual cheerful voice.

"Hmm" he shrugged, clearly annoyed.

"Okay, so I actually thought that we should... buy a house somewhere actually in Seattle and not somewhere in the jungle."

"Jungle?" he mocked her "Did you just say my trailer's in the jungle?!" he stifled a laugh.

"Well, it's surrounded by trees, so that kinda makes it a jungle." she smiled. "My point is, I don't wanna live there. It's far away from the hospital and in the middle of nowhere, I wanna live _somewhere_."

"I'm definitely not moving out of the trailer. And besides I like the solitude." he smiled thinking back to all the times he was there with Meredith. Solitude with Meredith included sex and quiet, non-awkward moments when it seemed that nothing in the world could possibly go wrong. She never had a problem with the trailer, she even liked it. She was the exact opposite of Addison. "You'll just have to get used to it."

"I'm not gonna get used to it!" she snapped. "If we want this marriage to work we should start to compromise, Derek. Please try to save what's left. I think it's worth it." she begged him.

"I'm gonna try and save it; but I won't change who I am, I've done that for long enough. So no, I'm not moving out and buying some stupid townhouse just because you don't like the trailer." he frowned dryly. "Now, if you would excuse me, please, I have a surgery to get ready for." he said professionally.

/

"Dr. Bailey" Meredith called. "Can I talk to you?"

"Yeah, but hurry up. I'm busy."

"I... I saw what you did before. The thing that you... sent Der- err Dr. Shepherd away. And well..." she rambled twisting her hands.

"Grey, just say what you wanna say. I don't really like listening to... all of this." she said pointing out to her.

"Thank you." she blurted out. "Just... thank you."

"Hmm... go back to work now." she sighed trying to imagine what this poor girl was going through. "Finish your charts."

"Couldn't I scrub in? I saw that you have an appendectomy later." She smiled pleadingly, hoping to do something else other than those boring charts she'd been doing all day. She'd even prefer to go into the pit, at least she was pretty sure Derek wouldn't be there.

"I already have O'Malley scrubbing in on it." she sighed, a sympathetic sadness crossing her features. But Meredith knew that she didn't want her to scrub in anytime soon, not before she'd decide she's over _him._

/

"Ugh! I'm going crazy!!" Meredith frowned doing what felt like the hundredth chart for that day.

"I'd go insane without surgeries... told you it was a bad idea to sleep with your boss." Christina smiled.

"Just shut up! You're getting surgeries all the time. I'm not even in the pit... I'm just... charting! I want a surgery, I want a scalpel in my hand, I wanna cut someone open! I wanna do the same stuff I'm always doing!" She yelled before sighing sadly remembering her last surgery... with Derek. "I miss him."

"I know." Cristina said, her voice suddenly a lot softer. Friendlier. They didn't do the whole talking thing. Both of them lived under clouds of avoidance.

"I'm looking for Dr. Shepherd…Montgomery-Shepherd. Have you seen her?" a man-candied man asked. He was tall, had short hair, blue eyes, and an extremely arrogant smirk on his face.

"Wish I hadn't..." Meredith frowned.

"Huh?" the guy asked quite confused, as his featured turned into a cute sexy confused look.

"We don't know where she is." Cristina interjected for Meredith.

"Oh, well then... if you do see her then please tell her that I'm looking for her." he said turning away from them.

"And you are…?" Cristina said, slightly amused that this hot guy thought he could walk through SGH and act liked he owned the place.

"Dr. Mark Sloan." he called over his shoulder, a smiled flashing across his face as he pronounced his name. 'Arrogant.' Meredith thought.

"Mark Sloan... I think I've heard that name somewhere..." Meredith said trying to remember why it sounded so familiar to her.

"Well, he's one of the best plastic surgeons in the country." Christina pointed out.

"I think I heard it somewhere else..." she said still trying to figure it out. "Whatever. It's not that important." she said going back to her work. "I so need a surgery!"

/

"Hey Derek!" he heard a voice from behind calling him. He froze when he recognized it, his best friend…or rather... _ex_-best friend.

"Mark. What are you doing here?" he turned around to face him, a smile so fake you could see it was fake amongst those 'Gucci' handbags in Bali.

"Talking to my best friend." he smiled as if nothing had happened. "So, how've you been lately?"

"Oh, suddenly you care about how I feel?!" he said dryly. "Sorry…you're kinda late for that." he frowned walking away.

"Come on Derek. Will you ever forgive me?" he said, chasing him. "I need my best friend back."

"Should've thought about that earlier." Derek snapped still walking away from him; this time Mark didn't follow him.

Addison was just walking towards the elevator when she saw someone familiar standing there, and someone else, also familiar, walking away. She took a second to put the pieces together, but then turned around in shock. Though it was too late, Mark had already spotted her.

"Addison. Wait!"

What?" she said, acting like she couldn't care less about him; she was just afraid Derek would see her talking to him.

"Wow... everyone seems ecstatically happy to see me." he teased sarcastically.

"You didn't really expect a VIP treatment and red carpet arrival or something like that, did you?" she frowned. "I came here to save my marriage. Because I love Derek. And you're not really helping. You do know he's extremely jealous."

"We both know that you don't love him. And we also both know that he loves that slutty intern that I've heard about all the way back in New York. You didn't mention him once in the past months. You don't love him."

"I do." she said looking down to her Manolo-clad feet.

"Look me in the eyes and tell me you love him. If you can do that I will be outta here as soon as you wish for me to leave. I'll be gone…just say the word."

"I... I" she stuttered looking him straight in his light blue eyes. "I..."

"Hmm... that's what I thought." he said walking past her. "Call whenever you feel like it." he added before disappearing, a small smile playing on Addison's face, much to her own disgust.

/

Derek saw Meredith standing at the nurse's station, she was still doing her charting. He thought back to this morning, what Bailey had said. But he still decided to go over to her. Just talking to her, hearing her voice, would make his day.

"Meredith." he smiled slightly not really knowing how he was supposed to be acting in front of her.

"Dr. Shepherd." she acknowledged him, but got straight back to her work.

"You know you can call me Derek." he let the typical McDreamy look etch into his features "So, I realized you've been charting a lot lately. Maybe you'd like to get back in the OR."

"No thanks. Bailey won't let me scrub in anyway. And I'm fine here." she frowned barely looking at him.

"Think about it. I'd let you scrub in." he smiled at her and fought against the urge to let his thumb walk up and down her cheek.

"Hey." Mark smiled leaning against the nurse's station, looking at both Meredith and Derek, but none of them really acknowledged him. Both were two busy. Meredith trying her hardest to ignore him, and Derek trying his hardest to get a moment of her attention.

"Meredith, just think about it." Derek sighed, still hoping she'd accept his offer.

"No thanks. I don't need your help to scrub in on a surgery. By the way, I don't even _like_ neuro." she snapped at him, while Mark started to put the pieces together.

"You love neuro."

"Oh! You're the slutty intern!" Mark suddenly interrupted them, and they both turned around to face him.

"What?" Meredith asked in shock, while Derek clenched his fist.

"She's not slutty!!" Derek called, suddenly releasing all his anger in punching Mark across his cheek bone.

"What the hell was that, Derek?!"

"That was Mark!" he pointed out, anger lacing his voice. But Meredith didn't seem to understand. "The one who slept with Addison…back in New York. And he shouldn't have called you that."

/

"So, just to get this right... Derek punched you because... you're Mark?" Meredith asked as she was attempting to stitch him up.

"He punched me because he's obviously in love with you. Though you might be right too... I mean, I'm Mark Sloan, I'm damn famous! And he's definitely jealous." he smirked

"He saves peoples actual lives. You save people's social lives." She told him. "What's there to be jealous of?" she asked "Well…you ruin people's social and actual lives." She muttered to herself as she turned away to get some new cotton swabs.

"You know I wasn't talking about my status as a surgeon making Derek jealous…unless that turns you on." He raised an eyebrow at her.

"Dr. Sloan." Meredith warned.

"What?" he pulled his version of the McDreamy face on her. She really had to find Christina and Izzie to make a new McName for this new man-candy.

"This is inappropriate." She said signaling to the air in between them.

"Wanna get a drink with me tonight? Hear about how it all happened."

"I'm not sleeping with you. And I'm not dating. And I'm really definitely not sleeping with you." Meredith repeated more to herself.

"Did I ask you to sleep with me or date me? Do you wanna sleep with me?"

"Now I see why you two are friends. God knows how you passed high school, let alone college and med school. And _no!_ I will not be sleeping with you. Ever."

"Not even once?"  
"No!"

"So you wanna get that drink?"

"I get off at 6. Meet me at Joe's" and with that, Meredith turned and exited the room.

"Joe's? Who's Joe?" Mark asked to the empty room.


	4. Crash And Burn

**A/N: Another chapter, again... lolz xD I hope you like the story up to now... because well, we do... ;) But I must kinda admit, this is rather like the introduction to the main story... and the introduction will be going on for a few more chapters (though I can't say how many since we haven't written the rest yet). So please, keep reading and reviewing the story... you should all like/love what'll come later ;) I think I'm gonna save you from all the usual rambling about how great the last episode was and everything else I could say... so I'm just gonna shut up, let you read the chapter, and go back to the episode of Private Practice I'm just watching... ;) And btw... thank you all for your beautiful and wonderful reviews :)**

**Disclaimer: Sadly, we do not own Grey's Anatomy. Otherwise Patrick Dempsey wouldn't be holding a pillow in the next episode. But again, Shonda owns it... and we can't erase this stupid pillow from the script... stupid stupid pillow...**

.

"McSexy wants an x-ray of his face." Meredith stated as she walked up to the nurses station that Christina, Izzie, Alex and George had been standing at, watching Mark and Meredith's interaction.

"McSexy?" Christina questioned.

"No?" Meredith asked.

"McYummy?" Izzie suggested.

"No." Meredith and Christina said in unison.

"McSteamy." Meredith nodded, proud of herself.

"Yep, there it is." Christina commented.

"McSteamy." Izzie sighed.

"Excuse me…I'm just choking back some…McVomit." George said as he left the group to continue on with his work.

/

"Tequila, Joe." Meredith called over the bar.

"Coming right up." Joe said as he reached down and grabbed a clean shot glass. "You're all alone tonight."

"I'm meeting someone." She said as she knocked back her first shot.

"As in a date?"

"No, definitely _not_ a date. Unless the man who is your ex-boyfriend's ex-best friend who screwed you're ex-boyfriend's wife is counted as a date." Meredith sighed, allowing the tequila to get to her already.

"Well, you lost me somewhere about an ex-boyfriend's ex-best friend. But good luck. Oh, and this one, it's on the house." He sighed as he poured Meredith's 4th shot glass.

"Thanks, Joe." She smiled.

A few minutes later, the bell above the door rang, and there he was. McSteamy.

"Meredith." He greeted her with his McSteamy smile.

"Dr. Sloan." She nodded.

"Please, it's Mark." He insisted. "What do you have to do to get a drink around here?" he asked her.

"Joe." Meredith called. "Mark wants a drink."

"What can I get for you?"

"Double Scotch, Single Malt." Mark said with an arrogant smirk.

"You're very arrogant." Meredith pointed out as his scotch was placed in front of him.

"Just hiding my secret pain." He smirked again.

"I'm sure you are." He smiled at her again. "Okay. We need rules." Meredith pointed at him with her finger.

"Rules?"

"Well. We're the Dirty Mistresses club. There are only two members. Me and you."

"The Dirty Mistresses club, huh?" Mark asked, entertained by her rambling. Meredith shrugged as she gulped back yet another shot. "I don't really get it, but I like it."

"Well, we're both mistresses; and mistresses are supposed to be... dirty." she said trying to get a logical sentence to make sense, which wasn't that easy.

"I'm a member of the dirty mistresses club." He laughed.

"We both are." He looked at her, again pulling a McSteamy face. "Okay. We need rules."

"Rules? You'd think a bunch of dirty mistresses would be a little less uptight about something like rules." He chuckled.

"Rule number one: no pulling the McSteamy face."

"McSteamy face?" he interrupted.

"Yes. You know the one. The one that makes beautiful women collapse at your feet. Well…in your bed anyway. I'm immune. It doesn't work on me." she said triumphantly.

"Then why can't I do it?" he asked her, yet again the look etched into his features.

"Because I said so."

"That's not a good reason."

"Yes it is. Rule number two. No talking about Derek and me. And rule number three: no more reckless flirting." She said as she sipped her next shot. He winked at her.

"Yes, ma'am." He laughed.

"What?"

"I'm just seeing how easy it must have been for Derek to fall for you." he said as the look again etched onto his features.

"Dr Sloan. You are breaking rules one, two and three."

"I have been a bad boy. I think I need a spanking." He chuckled.

"No." she said, finally fed up with him. "Would you please get your mind out of the gutter? Please? I just don't have the energy." She sighed, letting her exhaustion overtake her.

"Okay. Sorry." He said genuinely.

"So. You gonna tell me what happened?" she asked, trying to break the awkward moment.

"I suppose so." He shrugged and knocked his shot back. "One evening, after I finished my shift, I wanted to go to a bar with Addison. We used to do this quite often actually, all three of us, but Derek was off later; we were ranting about our schedules, and talking about our patients." he paused thinking back to the old times, a little smile playing on his lips. "Anyway, this day wasn't the same as usual. I thought it was because she lost a patient, so we went to their place and we were talking... and one thing led to the other, we started kissing, and then headed upstairs. And somehow, we ended up in their bed." he paused again, not really knowing how to feel about this... and even though he wasn't showing any sign of it, Meredith could tell it hurt him. "And then Derek walked in, he got mad but didn't really do anything. I decided to leave…let them talk, you know?...Though I don't think they ever talked about it... The next day, he was gone... and well, the rest you know better than me." he sighed glancing at Meredith, a slight smile playing on his lips. "He loves you, he really does."

"Stop breaking rule number two..." she warned, leaning in slightly closer to his ear to be heard over the loud music. At that moment Derek walked in, and his eyes fell right on her the second he entered...whispering in Mark's ear. He stood and watched them for a few moments and before he realized it he was standing next to Meredith trying hard not to punch Mark out, again.

"Derek?" Mark said, startled. Meredith whirled around from her seat and met Derek's cold glare that appeared to be fixed on her.

"Dr. Shepherd." Meredith nodded professionally, before turning back to face Mark.

"Where's Addison?" Mark asked casually, trying desperately to break the awkward tension that had fallen upon them.

"You don't get to talk about her." Derek said, anger lacing his voice.

"Derek. Just, go home. To your wife." Meredith sighed, the exhaustion she was feeling obvious. He sighed and ran a hand through his messy hair, his eyes fixed on hers for a long moment, before turning and leaving as suddenly as he had entered.

"Whoa. I've never seen him like this before." Mark sighed, pain in his eyes.

"You still love him?" Meredith asked.

"He's my brother. It was an honest mistake."

"Honest?" Meredith raised her eyebrow.

"Okay, well, maybe not…honest…but it was a once off thing…you know? Derek's so different since he's been here."

"What do you mean 'different'?" she asked curiously.

"He was always distant with Addison. He never spent any time with her, apart from at the hospital. But even then, he seemed to avoid her as much as possible, and, well, it wasn't that hard because they were on different floors. Addison eventually gave up on waiting for him, trying to understand the new, work-orientated, hospital-living Derek, but he didn't want himself known. Derek and I grew apart and Addison and I grew closer. It was strange, you know?"

"What are you saying?

"That things have been getting worse for them for a few years."

"Do you know why?" Meredith asked, again, her curiosity getting the best of her.

"There was one major thing…" Mark trailed off.

"And?" she waited impatiently.

"I can't say." He said, somewhat reluctant.

"Oh. Okay. Buy me another drink?" she asked him with a smile.

"Sure. Same?"

"Oh, yes." She sighed, the smile finding it's way to her voice. Mark Sloan was a pretty great guy. Most of the time. Meredith was growing to like him. As a friend.

"Shot of tequila and another scotch, Joe." Mark called down the bar toward the friendly barman.

"Coming up." He replied.

/

"Want to tell me what you were doing flirting with the man I hate?" Derek said angrily as he held Meredith's arm firmly in a deserted hallway.

"Why should it bother you?" Meredith offered in defense.

"Meredith. Just…spare me."

"Derek. You have a wife. You chose her. I'm over it. I've moved on. Why does it bother you _so_ much that I have a drink with Mark?" she told him firmly. His grip on her arm loosened, and his hand finally fell to his side again.

"Can we talk?" Derek asked, his voice laced with a hint of hope.

"Go for it." Meredith said signaling with her hands for him to say what he wanted to say.

"No. I mean…later…like…at your house…?" he trailed off, his mood suddenly changing.

"I finish at 6. So I'll be home any time after then." She told him before striding confidently down the hall to deliver patients' results. His eyes followed her the whole way, and it took all her strength to keep walking.

"I love you." He murmured, almost silently, long after she was out of sight, before heading in the opposite direction to prepare for his next surgery.


	5. Somewhere A Clock Is Ticking

**A/N: Hey Guys...we know it's been a while...we know...It's all my fault...I have barely been home the last week...so blame me...Vivi is a legend!! as always...she always manages to do so much at once...okay...so...even though Derek is an ASS!! how cute was he in the opening scene of Brave New World?! sigh...if only the pillow was invisible...or...even better...non-existant...this chapter has a little bit of angst...and we like angst. We like fluff...and we like angst...we're weird...we know...we remind each other every day...xD...we are absolutely loving writing this story...we're having so much fun with it...we like to work the stuff out as we go along...we find that it is more...inspiring to write when we don't actually know whats going to happen either...but do you know what inspires us the most...?! guess...i'll give you...3 guesses... - - - okay...well...clap for yourself if you guessed...REVIEWS!! we LOVE LOVE LOVE reviews...let us know what you think...coz if we're the only ones loving it...then...well...we may as well just write it for us and not bother posting it...coz things like this take time...so click that review button when you're finish reading...you know you want to...hate it? love it? we want to know...constructive criticism is awesome...it lets us know our weaker spots...ok...enough rambling...xD...**

**Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's Anatomy, we would have more than ONE MERDER kiss in FOUR EPISODES!! I mean...we would have a show that was 90 MerDer and 10 Christina/Bailey/Mark...coz we love them too...xD...but sadly...most of the show is surgeries...which...don't get us wrong...we LOVE it!!...but who wouldnt like a show with 90 MerDer and 10 Christina/Bailey/Mark?! ... Shonda owns it!! that is what we are trying to say!! **

Chapter 5: Somewhere A Clock Is Ticking:

It was 6 o'clock. The time Derek had been waiting for, for the whole day. It was 6, and he would go to Meredith's and talk to her. Explain. He closed his chart absentmindedly and handed it to a nurse to finish. He finally had the chance to talk to her, and he wouldn't be messing up this time. He couldn't. He had to talk to her, tell her everything he felt, everything that was going through his mind, even if it wasn't always easy to gather his thoughts. But he seemed to be the only one excited about their meeting.

Meredith was in the intern locker room getting changed after a long day of work. It wasn't a good one either. She had lost her patient before they could even operate on him. He died in on the way to the OR. She sat down on a bench and buried her head in her hands. She was just exhausted. Everything in her life seemed to be wrong. First her boyfriend is married to some freaking Isabella Rossellini and then his ex-best friend shows up. And neither the wife nor ex-best friend is easy to hate. She even liked Mark... he was a really nice guy, and knew exactly what she was going through: hell. She definitely needed a drink right now. She took her purse out of her locker and shut the door harshly before turning on her heel and heading out of the hospital going straight to Joe's.

By the time Derek arrived at Meredith's he couldn't control his emotions. His excitement. He didn't see her car parked in it's spot but he assumed she had gotten home with some of the other interns. He banged on the door and waited for someone to open it, hoping it would be her. But apparently the luck wasn't on his side, Alex stood in front of him. He didn't do anything; just stared at him; surprised to see him standing on the front porch of her house.

"Err... Is Meredith home?" Derek asked in an attempt to break the awkward silence.

"Sorry man, she's not. And I'm pretty sure she doesn't want to see you." he sighed, somewhat sad for this man who was clearly in love with her…but also glad that she wasn't home. He didn't want him to break her again.

"Tequila, Joe." Meredith called as she sat down at the bar...next to Mark. She knew it probably wasn't a god idea to become friends with your ex-boyfriend's ex-best friend. But she liked Mark, and Mark knew what she was going through. They were the same. Her and Mark.

"You realize that you're a tequila-addict, don't you?" he mocked her as Joe poured her first shot.

"Well... tequila's my friend, it helps me to deal with my…problems." she retorted. He looked at her, a doubtful look etched onto his features. "Just shut up, I had a bad day."

"What did he do now?" he asked, quite amused by the fact that his former best friend was still chasing after her.

"He...oh…nothing...I lost my patient." she said knocking her second shot back.

"I'm sorry. You know what? I'll buy your next shot. That's what the DMC does for each other, right?" he smirked.

"The DMC?" she asked, puzzled.

"The Dirty Mistresses Club. Don't tell me you forgot about our own private club?!" he smiled playfully.

"Thanks." she laughed.

"Well... anytime. But why are you thanking me?"

"The tequila." She said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Oh…right. You want it now?" he asked, a smile forming on his lips as he watched her facial expressions.

"Yes." She replied immediately.

As the night went on, Meredith found herself relating to Mark, and feeling a bond toward him. Like a friendship could have been formed. It probably helped that she was utterly full of tequila, so much so that she could barely stand up, but she knew that this 'bond' was deeper than tequila and scotch. At about 1 am, Joe refused to sell them any more liquor. Meredith was pissed off, but knew it was for her own good. And she had more tequila at home. If worst came to worst, like if Derek showed up out of the blue, she could turn to that.

Mark had been fairly responsible with his drinks, and was able to drive. As Meredith slurred directions to him, Mark couldn't help but see, even in the midst of her drunkenness, what Derek had fallen in love with. He could tell that they were suited to each other. More than Addison and Derek; even more than Addison and him. Meredith and Derek had the same minds; the same personalities. Although they were totally different, they were the same. His thoughts pretty much stopped there, well; at least, the scotch stopped his thoughts there. Anything after that was too complex for his brain at this late hour mixed with alcohol.

/

As Mark pulled the car into the driveway, Meredith was finding it hard to remain awake. She had had a huge shift the day before, and the night was busy, so she hadn't had much sleep in the on-call rooms either. She opened her eyes forcefully when they tried to close, and caught a glimpse of something she recognized. Derek's car. Crap! Her mind yelled at her. Her head started spinning more than it already was.

_I finish at 6._

Crap! Crap! Crap! "Crap." She said aloud.

"Crap?" Mark questioned, obviously confused.

"Crap." Meredith nodded.

"Okay." He shrugged. "Why?"

"Derek." She sighed.

"What? What's he doing here?"

"I told him he could come over…after I finished at 6."

"Meredith…that was seven-and-a-half ours ago. I don't think he would still be waiting for you."

"Mark…" Meredith pointed to his car that was parked slightly down the street.

"Oh. Well, maybe he did wait."

"Yeah." She breathed.

"Why did you tell him to come over?" he asked.

"He wanted to talk." Meredith spoke flatly.

"Oh." He replied, still slightly confused. "You want me to come in with you. Be your moral support or something?"

"No. I should do this. I need to do this." She told herself more than him.

"Okay. If you're sure." He smiled sweetly at her.

"Yes. Thank you Mark." She smiled at him. "For everything."

"No problem. That's what I'm here for. Dirty Mistresses need help sometimes." He smirked.

"Yeah." She said as she leaned toward him and gave him a kiss on his cheek. "Good Night. I'll see you tomorrow." She said, her mouth hovering next to his ear.

"Definitely." He replied. "We having another club meeting?"

"Sure." She said as she slid out of his new BMW four-wheel drive.

"Good night." He called once more before starting the engine and reversing.

/

Meredith looked up to see Derek staring coldly at her from on top of the stairs that led down off the front porch. She looked away immediately. It hurt her to see his sadness. His anger. He was never angry when she knew him. Well, when she thought she knew him, anyway.

"Mark?!" he said, anger apparent in his voice.

"Seriously?!" she replied, her anger getting the best of her. He wasn't allowed to be jealous. Not anymore. She didn't belong to him.

"Mark?!" he repeated, the anger thicker in his voice.

"Yeah. What about him, Derek?" she yelled, her fury getting the best of her.

"Look, I'm sorry." he sighed genuinely. He had no right to be jealous. None at all. Not anymore. She was able to go out with whoever she wanted, and it shouldn't bother him…but it did. It bothered him to a point of anger. Derek wasn't the jealous type. He always was grateful for what he had. A beautiful, smart wife, money, a good job, a loving family. But now, all that he wanted was standing in front of him, and she wasn't his to have.

She felt really bad for forgetting about him; and even though it was nothing compared to what he had done to her, she wished that she hadn't hung out with Mark tonight. She knew that somehow Derek deserved to be hurt, too... but she couldn't be the one hurting him. She loved him too much to do that.

"Derek. We're friends. I'm sorry for forgetting to meet you. I just needed a drink and Mark and I are getting along well. We have quite a lot in common actually." She looked up at him, all the anger still obvious on his features. "All I can say is I'm sorry." She sighed sadly when his cold expression didn't change.

"For what exactly?! For letting me wait outside your house like a freaking stalker? For forgetting to show up at your own house when we were supposed to talk? Or for showing up here seven and a half hours later with the person that I hate most in the damn world?" he yelled at her, his voice getting constantly louder. He suddenly realized that this was not the reason that he had come here in the first place. "I'm so sorry Meredith, I'm really sorry." he sighed, but it was too late. He couldn't take it back anymore, and worse... Meredith had heard every single word of it.

"Derek, I already said I was sorry. I haven't the best day today, and you can't really blame me for forgetting that you wanted to talk to me. Not after what you've done to me. So all I can say is, I'm sorry, and I really mean it." she yelled back, tears flowing down, staining her cheeks.

Derek moved a step closer to her, he thought about holding her in his arms to comfort her; but considering his relationship with her, it seemed slightly…inappropriate to him. Though, when she didn't move back from him when he stepped closer, he thought he might give it a shot. He edged slowly closer to her and she immediately leaned into his chest.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell. I had no right." he apologized.

"No, you didn't." she murmured against his chest.

A few minutes later Derek was still holding her, his hand moving up and down on her arm, and somehow... somehow it reminded him of their time together, before Addison showed up.

"Meredith." he said slowly pulling away from her to get a better look at her. "I actually came to tell you that, well... I don't want to be with Addison. I want to be with you." he smiled waiting for a reaction.

"Derek, I can't be the one ruining a marriage. That would make me a home wrecker, and I hate the fact that I'm a home wrecker." she said, slightly in shock. She knew she wanted to be with him, she knew she wanted him to leave her. And she had her theories about him wanting her, but now, hearing it from him made things different. She wasn't expecting it, and she didn't know what to say.

"My marriage was already ruined long before I met you that night in the bar, smiling like you hadn't a care in the world." he said leaning over to her.

"I was drinking tequila like it was going out of fashion." She pointed out to him, a small giggle escaping her lips as she remembered that night…well…parts of that night anyway. He loved the way she giggled.

"I love you." It slipped out. Immediately feeling her stiffen in his arms, he knew he had said the wrong thing. Then she loosened, and looked up into his eyes. He moved warily closer to her mouth. Their lips were only a few millimeters away and constantly getting closer.

"I can't." she said at the last moment, pulling away from him, from the safety of his arms... running away from him. From all the drama and hurt he had placed on her life. She stopped at her front door, turning to look back at him...tears streaming down her cheeks once again.

"I love you too." she sighed before going in to her house, that once felt so safe, but now all Meredith felt was danger.

/

"Meredith, you're okay?" she heard Izzie coming into her room. She had no idea how long she'd been lying on her bed, staring at the ceiling. All she knew is that it felt like forever.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." she sighed sadly and absentmindedly. Her mind still taken over by what happened tonight. She couldn't really believe it, Derek, the one she loved more than anything wanted to be with her, and said he loved her... And she ran away. She had done what she always did.

"You didn't wake me." she smiled slightly sitting down next to her on the bed. "Now will you tell me what's wrong?" Meredith looked at her for a while, not really sure if she should tell her the whole story. But came to the conclusion she should try it, though she wasn't even sure she'd get one sentence done.

"Derek was there... he... and I ..." she started to sob again.

"Shh, Meredith, breathe." she tried to calm her. "It's okay."

"He... and Mark... and..." she broke down in tears... confused, and then headed towards the bathroom, followed by Izzie.

"Don't tell me you got drunk because of him... again! The tequila's not helping with the problems." she sighed looking at her, throwing up.

"It does help!" she protested, slowly regaining her composure. "And it's not because of him... the tequila came before he showed up." she rambled, not really sure herself if anything she said made sense.

/

"Good morning" Mark smiled over to her, trying to spread some joy around.

"Morning." Meredith frowned, she had a hangover from last night but she still remembered every bit of it.

"How'd it go?" he asked in a not so cheerful tone as before. She sighed and leaned her head on his shoulder.

"Bad... I guess." she shrugged closing her eyes, trying to push the pictures of last night away.

"Wanna talk bout it?"

"Hmm... no, thanks." she sighed sadly, but the sadness quickly changed into worry as she spotted Derek watching them from the other end of the hallway. He was shaking his head and his eyes were somehow filled with hurt. "Really bad." she said as if she was finishing her last sentence.


	6. Courage

**A/N: Again, you had to wait a long long time for this chapter... and we're truly sorry... but yeah, appearently you'll have to wait for most of the chapters... so, yeah... sorry about that. **

**And the last time Keet said that I'm the one who manages to write a lot at once... but that's soooooo wrong!! I mean, this chapter is about 90 hers!! I barely added something to this chapter... only the beginning and the end... but everything in between is thanks to her. So please, don't blame her... blame me, or the stupid time difference!! **

**So about this chapter, we know it's about a really serious subject, and we're both not joking about it. We just needed something dramatic to make Meredith realize she can't stay in Seattle, not with him. Though we can reassure you, she won't get anorexic or something like that. **

**Okay, now enjoy the chapter... and review review... the more reviews we get the faster we're gonna write the next chapter... lol...**

**xoxo Vivi**

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately we don't own Grey's Anatomy... but after all it's not that bad. Because fortunately Shonda owns it, and she's doing an awesome job with it... I mean, last episode definitely rocked!! And we got some awesomely cute MD moments!! YAY... all that's left to say is: I WANT A KIDNEY IN A JAR!! xD  
**

Chapter 6: Courage:

Throughout the next few months, not a lot had changed, though a few things had.

Meredith and Derek become friends. Sort of. Actually, you wouldn't really call it _friends_, they talked sometimes... but they're conversations progressed only to simple small talk like "How are you?" or "Any good surgeries today?".

Meredith and Mark grew closer as time went on, you could probably say they became best friends. Okay, there was still Christina...but most of the time it was easier for Meredith to talk to Mark. Meredith found him easier to relate to; probably since he was the only other member of 'The Dirty Mistresses Club'. They had meetings almost every night at Joe's, before stumbling home and sleeping the effects that consistent consumption of alcohol had on them both.

And Mark and Derek managed to become friends again. They weren't as close as they had once been before; when Derek was still in New York. More importantly, before Mark slept with and fell in love with his wife. But they at least talked, and not in the same way Meredith and Derek did. They got along, and were able to have natural, real conversations, as long as neither of them brought up Meredith or Addison.

This month was Meredith's last month as an intern, that's if she passed the test, which Mark kept reassuring her that she would. But she seemed to be worrying a lot more about something else. Both, Mark and Christina had realized that a long time ago, but she wouldn't tell either of them what it was. Though, if they had any brains, they would have been able to guess it. Meredith was sure they would if they got desperate about her. Since Derek had chosen Addison, Meredith's physical and emotional health had gone down hill fast. She was barely eating, and even when she did she usually threw whatever she managed to get down up again the following morning when the alcohol wore off and she was left with the remains - a headache and puking her guts into the toilet bowl. But by now, this had become her morning ritual. She was over worked, and she was over exhausted. She was thin when she was dating Derek. When they had been happy, she was thin. But now she was almost unbareable to look at. She refused to eat anything at work, unless Mark threatened to force feed her, then she would swallow a couple of lettuce leaves and be done, unable to stomach any more. Her scrub size had gone from XS to XXS in only 2 months. Day after day, Meredith grew more exhausted, and thinner. She could barely walk the hospital's surgical floor without having to sit down on a chair. And this day was no different. Actually, this day was worse. Bailey was giving out orders to her suck-ups and Meredith's head was spinning. She lent on the nurses station bench to support her small body mass as the room spun at record breaking speed…before everything went black.

When Meredith woke, all she heard was the distant and faint beeping of monitors, before she felt the warm touch of a hand over hers, bringing her racing back to reality.

"Hey." Mark smiled sympathetically at her.

"What happened?" Meredith choked.

"You don't remember?" He asked sweetly. She remembered feeling like she always did, all the time. Her head spinning, her hangover taking over almost every logical though, the nausea she felt when she simply looked at food. Just the usual stuff that had become almost second nature to her.

"No." She almost cried while shaking her head slowly. She realized immediately that she shouldn't have done that, and her mind went spinning again. She shut her eyes, trying to block it out. Block everything out, but that just made it worse. Images of her and Derek and Addison came spinning like a whirlpool back into her mind, stuck on replay.

"You collapsed Meredith." He looked at her sadly.

"Why?" she asked as a few stray tears leaked from her shining eyes.

"You were dehydrated and over-exhausted. You barely slept the last weeks. You're overworked Meredith. But most importantly, you are suffering from a mild case of malnutrition and you are anemic." He said flatly as he watched her face for any reactions. It was blank. Which hurt Mark more than if she had any other reaction to the news.

"Malnutrition? How? Anemia…deficiency of hemoglobin in red blood cells. Oh my god." She stated as she thought about how this had happened.

"Meredith…" Mark started "You have barely eaten anything these past few months. And when you did, it was a lettuce leaf that you threw up the next morning after excessive alcohol consumption. You weren't getting anywhere near enough food to continue on like this." He explained solemnly as he waited for her to absorb the news.

"How bad is it?" she asked shakily.

"It's pretty bad Meredith. If you had gone another couple of weeks, Dr. Bailey said that you might have become anorexic." He said as a tear slipped down his cheek at the thought of the possibility of losing this beautiful girl, and his best friend.

"Oh my god. I'm a doctor. I should have realized. I should have known. I just…I got so caught up in trying to work, trying to block everything out, and I got so used to not being hungry that it became a habit not to eat. I work at a hospital…didn't anyone else see it? Didn't you see it?" she asked as she removed her hand from his comforting one.

"I did. We all did. We thought you would deal with it when you were ready. We tried to make you eat, but Christina told me that you would come around eventually…and that 'eventually'…well…it never came. I waited for it. I waited for you to realize that none of your clothes fit you anymore, and that you were constantly exhausted…but you didn't. And I was going to speak to you tonight. But it appears that your body spoke to you first." He sighed.

"Oh Mark. I am so sorry. I didn't even realize. When my clothes stopped fitting…I just bought new ones…and the exhaustion…I thought that was from the late nights and excessive alcohol consumption. But it wasn't. It was my body telling me to eat something." She sighed as she recalled almost everyday of the past few months, how she put off eating as much as possible, because eating gave her time to stop and think. And thinking was not good. Thinking consisted of…

Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Derek." Meredith finished her thought out loud.

"Hey. How are you feeling?" he asked sweetly with his McDreamy smile as he made his was closer to her bed.

"I've never been better." She joked, but wore a stern, serious expression on her features.

"Mark. Could you give us a minute…please?" Derek begged with his eyes.

"Okay." He hesitated. "I'll be right outside if you need me." He smiled down at Meredith before exiting the room, leaving all the awkwardness trapped inside.

"Hi." Derek smiled again, even sweeter than the smile he gave her before, if that was possible. Meredith could drown in that smile. And those eyes. And those lips. Definitely those lips. No. bad thoughts. And very bad time to be thinking about those thoughts. Meredith told herself as her cheeks flushed a light pink colour. "You okay?" Derek asked. "Your face has turned a little flustered." He smiled.

"Yeah. I'm okay. What are you here for?" she asked him seriously, just wanting Mark to come in and continue comforting her.

"Meredith. You collapsed from malnutrition, and you barely eat. And we're friends. Friends do things like this and they care."

"Okay." She looked up at him expectantly, like something was missing. Of course something was missing. Derek wasn't hers anymore. And soon she wouldn't have to see him any more. And life would be good.

"When do you get out of here?"

"Tomorrow. As long as I promise Dr. Bailey I'll eat. Not like I will have much choice, I spend my days with her." Meredith half smiled.

"Okay. That's good. We are all here to take care of you Mer." Derek smiled sadly as he took her hand in his. As he did this, Meredith body began to heat up and jolts of electricity shocked their way through her. God Meredith! He's holding your _hand!_ Get a grip. She told herself, but that didn't help her. He's married. Pig-headed, adulterous married. And his wife is your boss. And she is impossible to hate. "Mer?" Derek asked, concern lacing his voice. "You okay?"

"Hmm? Yeah. What did you say?"

"I asked if you wanted anything from the cafeteria."

"Oh. No thanks. I'm fine."

"Mmm." He nodded sadly.

"What?"

"You're always 'fine'. That's the thing Meredith. You've just been diagnosed with malnutrition and anemia and you collapsed this morning. And you're 'fine'. We're supposed to be friends, and we don't even have conversations. We never talk."

"We talk Derek. We're talking right now."

"That's not the point, Mer. I talk to my scrub nurses more than I talk to you. And this conversation is only still going because you can't make up an excuse to leave, and you can't run away, because you're on strict bed rest. We need to talk. I need you to understand why I did what I did." He said as a single tear slipped down his face and he brushed it away quickly with his free hand.

"I need to talk to you, too." She said sadly.

"Okay."

"Come over tomorrow night. I have the house to myself, so we can talk without being interrupted."

"What time?"

"Around…6?" she asked.

"Sure." He said. "And Mer. I love you." He smiled. Meredith looked at him with shock and anger.

"Get out!" she told him flatly, showing none of the emotion that she felt.

"What?"

"You heard me. Get OUT!" she yelled at him.

"But…"

"Out!"

"Okay." He turned away defeated just as Mark entered the room. He turned to Derek and glared at him for a moment.

"You okay?" Mark asked.

"No. I'm not okay." She sobbed as Mark climbed in behind her and held her shaking body. As her tears and sobs began to subside into the occasional sniff, Mark stroked her hair in a soothing way.

"What happened? What did he do this time." He asked after she had been quiet for a while.

"He..." she started trying to catch her breath. "He... err... nothing." she trailed off, not able to repeat what Derek had told her just a few minutes ago.

"I think I'm gonna go." Mark said slowly. "That's if you're okay with it." he added now standing in front of her.

"Sure, go." she smiled rolling her eyes. "Just... don't be too mean to him." he added. The last few times she ended up in tears because of Derek, Mark always got after him and kicked his ass for being one.

/

"Why the hell didn't you tell me you collapsed??" Christina barged into her room without even bothering knocking.

"I couldn't really walk down the hospital in this beautiful dress." she said sarcastically pointing to her gown.

Christina sat down on the edge of her bed and just kept talking to her, in her typical Christina way, denying everything.

By the end of the day everyone had shown up in her room. Izzie, of course, came in right after Christina, followed by George, and later Alex. Even Addison came to visit, before she was paged, and she seemed really sorry. Though Meredith wasn't really sure what she was sorry for.

She liked being surrounded by her friends; they made her feel like she could get through it all. She really started to believe she could make it. Though there was one person who kept glaring at her from outside her room who she wished would just disappear. He knew she wouldn't want him in there, that she couldn't deal with him right now. But he couldn't help himself, he had to see that she was getting better, he had to see her smiling. He didn't care that him and Addison would probably argue about it later, because of the amount of time he was spending at the hospital, but he didn't care, because his 'friend' was sick, and he was going to be there for her.

It was kinda funny, everyone used to call him the jealous one, even Addison. And now she was the one acting jealous, always wanting to know where he was when he came home later than usual. But after all, didn't she have all reasons to be jealous? She knew he wasn't cheating on her, but she also knew that his heart wasn't hers. It hadn't been hers for quite a long time, she had even started doubting whether it had ever been hers.

"Good night, Derek." Meredith whispered into the cold emptiness of her hospital room. He was still standing outside her room, occasionally glancing at her and holding her gaze, before one of them broke it. Just her and him. Like it used to be. The only difference being the fact that he was standing outside her room, and not next to her, reassuring her that everything was going to be okay. But Meredith knew better than to trust her stupid brain. She knew that everything wasn't going to be okay. She knew that it might possibly never be okay again.

"Good night." she echoed into the still silence before falling asleep.


End file.
